Networking comes up a lot in coaching. One thing I often hear when someone is just back from a conference, and I ask who they connected with and what their plan is for conference networking follow-up, is some version of: “I don’t want to bother them.”
I get it. As a conference participant, I felt the same way. I worried that reaching out would be an imposition. As a partner at Deloitte, I attended many events and had some great conversations. When I said I wanted to connect with someone again, I genuinely meant it.
Hardly anyone followed up, which was a surprise. My first thought was that maybe I wasn’t as interesting or engaging as the other people they met. My second thought was that maybe they didn’t really mean it when they said they wanted to stay connected.
I do think there was another aspect, that I didn’t consider, and it was that my seniority changed the dynamic too. The more senior you become, the more likely other people are to assume you are too busy, that you were simply being polite, or that they need an amazing reason to ask for your time.
This is something we need to be aware of and not brush away thinking we have too much ego and downplaying it. We can genuinely believe we are approachable and open to people reaching out, while the people around us may be experiencing something quite different. Just because of the title you have on your conference lanyard or business card.
When I was earlier in my career I had done the exact same thing, opting out and assuming they were too busy to hear from me.
After experiencing this a few times, I tested that assumption and reached out to continue the conversation. Many said they figured I was too busy. Or worse, that they thought I didn’t mean it when I said I wanted to connect.
Anecdotal evidence was that this was not unique to me and so I did some research. Okay, I googled my theories to see if anyone smarter than me, ideally with a research grant (or funding from a networking platform), had come to the same conclusions. And guess what … they had.
- We’re not alone in the fear. In a 2025 Resume Now survey, 42% of workers said their biggest networking barrier is not wanting to bother someone.
- We think we made a worse impression than we did. People like us more after a first conversation than we think. Researchers call it the “liking gap” (Psychological Science).
- We underestimate how much people appreciate hearing from us, especially when it’s unexpected (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology).
AND
- Research on the strength of weak ties has been around for decades, and a 2022 study in Science of 20 million LinkedIn users reinforced the idea: the most valuable connections often aren’t strangers or best friends, but the middle ground … people you know a little.
SO the good news is that you don’t have to become their bestie, a weak tie is important too.
As you become more senior, your circle becomes smaller. You spend a lot of time with the same leadership team, clients, peers and stakeholders.
Those relationships are important of course, but we all benefit from a different perspective. The people on the edges of your network, those weak ties, can give you something different. They may not work in your industry, but they are tackling the same problem from a completely different angle, or have experience you don’t have.
That is one reason conferences can be valuable beyond what happens in the sessions. They give us an opportunity to deliberately widen the group of people we learn from.
And it isn’t only about what is in it for you. A broader network also gives you more opportunities to be useful to others sharing a different perspective, idea or learning or making an introduction or connecting someone with expertise they need.
Some of the best relationships I have built professionally didn’t start with either person needing something from the other. They started with an interesting conversation and one of us making the effort to continue it.
And this all ties back to the more administrative part of networking (which, let’s face it, you probably didn’t love either): following up. But the bottom line of all of this is that follow-up is worth it. You’ll differentiate yourself simply because so many people don’t do it, and it takes less time than you think.
So this conference season, when you say “let’s stay in touch,” mean it and go one step beyond scanning their LinkedIn QR code. And actually follow up. Take five minutes in your hotel room at the end of the night to write down a bit about the person and what you connected on. Or do it at the airport while waiting for your flight, or on the plane.
And if you are the more senior person in the conversation, you can make the follow-up easier too, by doing it yourself and not expecting them to follow-up with you!
It is a small thing, but it takes away some of the guessing that I know I used to do, and that I now hear from coacNetworking comes up a lot in coaching. One thing I often hear when someone is just back from a conference, and I ask who they connected with and what their plan is for conference networking follow-up, is some version of: “I don’t want to bother them.”
I get it. As a conference participant, I felt the same way. I worried that reaching out would be an imposition. As a partner at Deloitte, I attended many events and had some great conversations. When I said I wanted to connect with someone again, I genuinely meant it.
Hardly anyone followed up, which was a surprise. My first thought was that maybe I wasn’t as interesting or engaging as the other people they met. My second thought was that maybe they didn’t really mean it when they said they wanted to stay connected.
I do think there was another aspect, that I didn’t consider, and it was that my seniority changed the dynamic too. The more senior you become, the more likely other people are to assume you are too busy, that you were simply being polite, or that they need an amazing reason to ask for your time.
This is something we need to be aware of and not brush away thinking we have too much ego and downplaying it. We can genuinely believe we are approachable and open to people reaching out, while the people around us may be experiencing something quite different. Just because of the title you have on your conference lanyard or business card.
When I was earlier in my career I had done the exact same thing, opting out and assuming they were too busy to hear from me.
After experiencing this a few times, I tested that assumption and reached out to continue the conversation. Many said they figured I was too busy. Or worse, that they thought I didn’t mean it when I said I wanted to connect.
Anecdotal evidence was that this was not unique to me and so I did some research. Okay, I googled my theories to see if anyone smarter than me, ideally with a research grant (or funding from a networking platform), had come to the same conclusions. And guess what … they had.
- We’re not alone in the fear. In a 2025 Resume Now survey, 42% of workers said their biggest networking barrier is not wanting to bother someone.
- We think we made a worse impression than we did. People like us more after a first conversation than we think. Researchers call it the “liking gap” (Psychological Science).
- We underestimate how much people appreciate hearing from us, especially when it’s unexpected (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology).
AND
- Research on the strength of weak ties has been around for decades, and a 2022 study in Science of 20 million LinkedIn users reinforced the idea: the most valuable connections often aren’t strangers or best friends, but the middle ground … people you know a little.
SO the good news is that you don’t have to become their bestie, a weak tie is important too.
As you become more senior, your circle becomes smaller. You spend a lot of time with the same leadership team, clients, peers and stakeholders.
Those relationships are important of course, but we all benefit from a different perspective. The people on the edges of your network, those weak ties, can give you something different. They may not work in your industry, but they are tackling the same problem from a completely different angle, or have experience you don’t have.
That is one reason conferences can be valuable beyond what happens in the sessions. They give us an opportunity to deliberately widen the group of people we learn from.
And it isn’t only about what is in it for you. A broader network also gives you more opportunities to be useful to others sharing a different perspective, idea or learning or making an introduction or connecting someone with expertise they need.
Some of the best relationships I have built professionally didn’t start with either person needing something from the other. They started with an interesting conversation and one of us making the effort to continue it.
And this all ties back to the more administrative part of networking (which, let’s face it, you probably didn’t love either): following up. But the bottom line of all of this is that follow-up is worth it. You’ll differentiate yourself simply because so many people don’t do it, and it takes less time than you think.
So this conference season, when you say “let’s stay in touch,” mean it and go one step beyond scanning their LinkedIn QR code. And actually follow up. Take five minutes in your hotel room at the end of the night to write down a bit about the person and what you connected on. Or do it at the airport while waiting for your flight, or on the plane.
And if you are the more senior person in the conversation, you can make the follow-up easier too, by doing it yourself and not expecting them to follow-up with you!
It is a small thing, but it takes away some of the guessing that I know I used to do, and that I now hear from coaching clients all the time.
Within 2 weeks of the conference send them an email:
Suggest a next step, or simply say “glad we met.”hing clients all the time.
Mention one specific thing you talked about.
Offer something useful: an article, an introduction, a resource.
Offer to connect them with someone.
Within 2 weeks of the conference send them an email:
- Mention one specific thing you talked about.
- Offer something useful: an article, an introduction, a resource.
- Offer to connect them with someone.
- Suggest a next step, or simply say “glad we met.”