The Shift Began Sooner Than Expected
As a professional woman in technology consulting, I thought my identity as a leader would change after maternity leave, not before. I expected that shift to come when I returned to work and had to balance career goals with sleepless nights and daycare drop-offs.
But the change began much earlier, at an MBA recruiting event.
I was there representing Deloitte, speaking with students about careers in consulting. Normally, I would talk about my work and experiences. But this time, the questions were different. The women around me wanted to know what it was like to be a pregnant consultant. How long would I take for maternity leave? Would I come back to the same job? Would I take something “less demanding”?
These questions surprised me. They made me realize that others already saw me differently.
That was when I understood that identity shifts don’t wait for big life moments. They start as soon as we begin to see ourselves, and others see us, in new ways.
Redefining My Professional Identity
When I returned to work after maternity leave, I carried a quiet emotional load. I asked myself hard questions.
Was I still seen as ambitious?
Would one “no” make people think I had pulled back?
Would they assume I cared less, when I was actually working harder than ever?
Before becoming a parent, I said “yes” to almost everything. Now, I paused before agreeing. Saying “no” felt risky at first. But over time, I realized it was a sign of strength.
Saying “no” wasn’t about stepping back. It was about making space for what truly mattered. I started to focus on the work that had the biggest impact, to delegate more, and to set better boundaries.
It wasn’t easy, but it made me a stronger, more thoughtful leader. I learned that being present matters more than being busy.
Redefining Success
Before I became a parent, success meant growth, visibility, and new challenges. After becoming a mother, success took on a new meaning: sustainability.
During maternity leave, my goals changed in simple but powerful ways. At first, I wanted to do it all … attend baby classes, carve out “me time,” and maybe start a small business. Soon, I realized success was much simpler: getting a shower in and keeping my baby happy and healthy.
When I returned to work, I applied that same mindset. I stopped chasing long-term milestones and focused on smaller wins: getting to work on time after daycare drop-off, connecting with other working parents, and choosing projects that challenged me but didn’t require travel.
Redefining success wasn’t about lowering expectations. It was about aligning them with my values. I learned that ambition and balance can exist together, and that success feels better when it fits the season of your life.
Support Systems Make the Shift Possible
I’ve always liked to handle things on my own. But parenthood reminded me that support isn’t optional, it’s essential.
My partner became my anchor. We shared the load, made plans, and talked about how we wanted to parent. We were lucky to have an amazing daycare with amazing staff who gave us peace of mind, enabling me to stay focused at work. My mentors, both parents and non-parents, offered advice about boundaries and focus.
The biggest support came from my parent community, both inside and outside of work. They helped me find solutions, offered encouragement, and reminded me that I wasn’t alone.
As leaders, we often think we must do everything ourselves. But the truth is, support makes success sustainable.
Ambition Doesn’t Disappear. It Changes Shape.
Before having children, ambition meant moving fast and achieving more. After becoming a parent, ambition meant being clear on what mattered most.
Parenthood gave me focus. I became better at using my time, more empathetic toward my team, and more intentional about growth.
What once felt like a pause in my career turned out to be a period of real leadership growth. I learned to delegate more, to develop others, and to think long-term.
Becoming a parent didn’t slow my ambition. It refined it.
From Reluctant Role Model to Intentional Leader
When I first returned to work, I didn’t plan to be a role model for working parents. I was simply figuring things out. But soon, others began to look to me for guidance and reassurance.
At first, it felt uncomfortable. I’m a private person, and being asked how I “manage it all” felt personal. But I came to see that visibility is part of leadership. By sharing honestly about the challenges and changes, I was helping others feel seen too.
Leadership isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real and showing that growth can look different for everyone.
Looking Back
Becoming a parent didn’t mean losing who I was. It meant expanding who I could be.
I’m still ambitious and driven, but now with more empathy and purpose. Every “no” I said became a “yes” to what mattered most: my family, my focus, and my growth.
Parenthood didn’t limit my success. It reshaped it into something deeper and more meaningful.